” The worst thing we can do to ourselves is have a picture in our head of how it’s suppose to be”

Not too long ago, I joined a writing group. In the beginning, I wasn’t sure what my final intentions with joining the group were to be, other then to learn to be a better and stronger writer. One of the things that was suggested was to just write for the sake of writing. Like anything, it takes practice. Sometimes it’s hard to come up with something to write about. When I brought this forth, it was suggested to not force the creative process and just begin. The words will form themselves.

There is a lot of truth to that, as I feel like a faucet has been turned on and the ideas and inspirations are coming fast and furious. It’s almost to the point where if I don’t quickly put my thoughts down, they will leave in a flash. This latest post is all about some fleeting observations I’ve had. It’s nothing more then me just exercising my creativity. It may not make sense and there’s no segue into topics. It just is. So here I go in no particular rhyme or reason, trusting in the process.

Expectations. Good or bad. Helpful or hindrance. Setting and exceeding the bar or no set of standards. How many times have you been told that you need to meet expectations? That your not performing at expectations? That they expect something better from you? How many times have you told someone they don’t meet expectations? That they have unreal expectations. That you’re left disappointed because something failed your expectations. That you need to adjust your expectations, that someone else needs to adjust their expectations. What happens if we don’t have expectations?

Most times during the night, I wake up to check the time on my clock radio. I’m not sure why I do, out of habit I suppose. I guess it’s the comfort of knowing what time it is. There’s nothing special about this radio, other then I’ve had it since I was 12 years old. It’s brown and would be considered out of date in style. There’s nothing sleek about it. The numbers are bright red. It’s followed me from place to place, move to move, city to city. I should probably replace it with a modern version, or better yet, use my smartphone. Somehow incorporate more technology into my life. When I travel, I either bring the clock radio with me, or have to be on the side of the bed that’s closest to a clock. The idea of having something from a long ways back from my past still with me today may be saying something.

One of the hardest things I’ve had to learn and to be honest, I’m not sure if I quite have the hang of it yet is too relax. What will be will be. Let someone else take the reins for a while. Stop and smell the roses. Take time out for myself. When it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen. Seek balance. You know, feelgood guru crap.

I can tell you exactly why I find it so hard to “turn it off”, to chill for a bit, to let it go…. I’m a person of action. Always have been. I’m a driven, hard-working, stand up for myself, let’s get organized, type A personality, takes no bullshit kinda woman. It takes a while to slow this down. I consider myself a strong person, I can read people really well, and I know my mind. If I don’t like something, I change it. If someone or something gives off a unsettling vibe, I distance myself from them/it. If I think there’s been injustice, I will fight for the underdog.

I don’t do yoga although I tried a class many years ago. The yoga session was run by a very stern yoga instructor who was VERY concerned about how your toes were placed on the yoga mat. She was constantly at me! Like I cared what my toes were doing! I was just happy that I was able to get to the yoga studio without tripping over my own feet!

At the start of one session in particular, I unrolled my yoga mat beside someone randomly. Unknowingly to me, they were joined by a friend who REALLY needed to workout beside them. In no uncertain terms, I was told to move my yoga mat and then they proceeded to get really hostile towards me because I apparently wasn’t moving my mat fast enough. Ummm…I don’t think this person quite grasped what yoga was all about, nor did it seem to be working for her. Just sayin’ Everybody stopped and stared at us! It was so embarrassing!

So that concluded my yoga experience. To this day, myself and my family still laugh about it.

It’s a real skill to listen to another person. Giving your time and attention to someone is probably one of the most selfless things you can do. It doesn’t take much but few people know how to listen for understanding. We’re so busy trying to come up with the next thought, the next reply. I’m certainly not perfect, there have been times where I was too distracted to hear what someone was saying, or too judgmental to care. I have learned to just absorb what another is saying, to appreciate the moment and to get more comfortable with silence that sometimes happens during a conversation. I have also been around people who can’t listen at all and I take away from that experience what not to do.

Some things I know for sure:

– Everybody you meet is there to teach you something

– Everything that has happened to you up to this point is setting you up for what’s to come next

– There is no such thing as coincidence

– In order to make room in your life for something good to happen, something bad has to leave

– The more you give, the more you will receive

– When someone offers you a great opportunity, accept it and worry about the details later

– Walk away from anything that no longer serves you, makes you feel content or that your not passionate about

– Be generous with praise, gentle with judgements, and observe everything around you with a sense of wonder

My passion is to help people. My purpose for this is to act as a guide, teacher, motivator, coach, leader, confidante, a listening ear, a compassionate soul, the voice of reason, the bark of calling bullshit when someone isn’t being true to themselves or others, the sound advice, the elder and the experienced.

My dream is leading me to a place where I can gain the training I need to launch “The Business of Anna”. My dream is already telling me I have enough to get started and that I have the courage to embrace more knowledge, more experience, more wisdom.

Through my dream and my training, I will be in the position of “Force to reckon with” as I’ll be in a position where I can help and be able to use my strengths to my full advantage.

With my dream, my training, my strengths and my force to reckon with persona, this will springboard me into the life teaching, leader making and passion fulfillment which is what I ultimately want.

When my dream is realized, my mind will be at peace, my conscience will be satisfied and my intelligence will be seeking out the next opportunity, the next dream, the next place to kick some butt.

I want this because:

The thought of doing exactly what I dream about fires me up.

I’ve spent too long doing something that lacked passion and I’ve made the decision to never do that again.

The thought of using my strengths to create my true happy state excites me, motivates me, inspires me and pushes me.

When something doesn’t feel right, that’s enough for me to walk away.

Second guessing and self-doubt have grown tedious. When someone presents me with an opportunity, I’ll say yes and figure out later how I’m going to accomplish it.

I have also learned, that once you have made the decision to focus and build on your dream, when the clouds of confusion have lifted and clarity walks with you; you want to share that power and thought with everyone.

It’s been a long time since I put up a post. I seriously considered putting my blog to rest. The reason for my absence is the conclusion that I had nothing left to say, that nothing exciting was going on with my life and the things I wanted to say, well let’s put it this way, it probably would have created more trouble then it was worth. Sometimes silence is indeed golden.

I’m back, at least for now. It’s taken some time for this post to form. Every-time I tried to sit down and write it out, my thoughts were fleeting and my focus unclear. Basically, there was nothing that I either cared enough about or inspired me to share. I have a hard enough time coming up with interesting tweets. That’s only 140 characters! How am I suppose to write a 1000 words?

In recent times, I have started to feel a shift. A shifting in my focus and in my thoughts. The shifts didn’t come all at once and I still feel like I’m shifting. A little bit everyday. However, at the start of the shifting, I did feel like some things really became clear. Some answers and understanding surfaced and now when I look back, it seems so obvious.

I started a book called “The Fire Starter Sessions” by Danielle Laporte. I have read up to the 5th chapter, but one theme that keeps running through the book; decide what strengths you have that you are passionate about and let those strengths and passions set the course to having a life with purpose, and joy to be built upon. Simple. Powerful.

Consider this; there’s lots of things that we are good at. Some things in fact, we probably excel at. Maybe your amazing at reading spreadsheets, or maybe your known for your tech savvy skills. Maybe your some kind of guru in all and everything you do and everybody around you looks up to you because your the one who’s getting it right, knows what to do, can lead a team and multitask like the best of them. But, does any of this fire you up? Does any of this light up your soul and take you to higher levels of joy and happiness?

So many of us are busy doing things because we’re good at it but not necessarily because we are passionate about it. If we do what fires us up, chances are, our strengths will grow and develop with our passion and in turn we’ll most likely be happier. Ironic really that we spend so much time and energy trying to find happiness when it’s always been there inside us.

I’ll share one of my shifts with you.

When I was 18 and I entered the hospitality world to train as a pastry chef, it was something I was pretty pumped about. It seemed like such a cool thing to get into and having a career as a pastry chef seemed so hip and sophisticated. No one else I knew at the time was doing it. So it appealed to me even more because it was different.

However, the one thing that was never lost on me was; at the end of the day, it was just a job. It was a job that paid the bills, allowed me to work in some pretty cool places and gave me the money to go off and do the really cool things I was passionate about. I didn’t even bake at home as a hobby. There was a lot of neat things I got to do because I was a pastry chef and I had some pretty stellar opportunities because of the fact that I was a pastry chef. I even had fun with my job. But it was always Just. A. Job. I can’t help but to picture some people with such a look of horror on their face to the above admission.(Say it isn’t so!)

I can’t say for certain, but I’m sure my outlook with my job as a pastry chef confused some of my colleagues and supervisors. I had a lack of interest in what so many people were getting caught up in.

From my point of view, the pastry world became very serious and very intense. The more I saw it get this way, the more I found myself at odds with it. To me, it seemed that no matter how hard you worked or how much you knew, it just wasn’t enough. I couldn’t believe that I was in a career where it not only became an issue how a dessert was to look on a plate, but it became THE issue. It started to get quite ridicules. Silly even. There were more important things to worry about, in my opinion. I couldn’t help but to think that everyone needed to take a step back (myself included) and for Petesakes, lighten up!! We are not saving life’s here!! It just goes to show you that ego can be a powerful thing.

The recent shift was the realization that I spent 20 years in an industry doing something that I was never passionate about. This thought was like being hit in the head by a coconut. Duuuhhh!!!! No wonder why I struggled with it. It was like pounding a square peg into a round hole. Or only having one tool in my tool box, and that tool was a hammer. “If I hammer away at it long enough, it’s going to fit by golly!”

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being a pastry chef, and if that is where your passion lies, then go for it. I know some pretty talented pastry chefs who are very good at what they do. They have obviously found their passion and are taking it to levels that I could never hope to achieve even if I stayed in the industry. But it was never meant for me.

It doesn’t mean that I didn’t take pride in my work. The way I saw it, I was the calm, steady influence that got things done. Let someone else run around putting out fires. I made sure I was taking care of things so there were no fires in the first place. Unfortunately, what I had to offer was mostly undervalued and overlooked.

It’s been over a year since I left the industry, and I still don’t miss it. I haven’t dug out any of my pastry tools and I can count on one hand the amount of times I have baked at home since then. Working as a pastry chef was very demanding. I left a career with 20 years experience behind me because I was done with playing games. All the knowledge and skill I gained for my craft that I was happy to share; I’m no longer interested in sharing. Even if I went back into the industry, it would be a means to an end. Something to do while I’m making plans for something better. Again, just a job.

So where does this leave me? What are my passions? What are my strengths?

I’m pretty passionate about helping people. I’m pretty passionate about learning how people overcome adversity, and how they grow from their experiences. I’m pretty passionate about wanting to peel back the layers of an individual and learn what motivates them to be a certain way, act a certain way. I’m pretty passionate about wanting to teach people how to accept who they are and help guide them to live a better life. I’m pretty passionate about my volunteer work with Hospice, and how much I enjoy working with those that attend grief group.

My strengths lie in the area’s of leadership and coaching. I’m strong with listening and communicating. I’m a strong organizer with a focused, methodical approach. I’m strong with my ability to practice compassion and empathy. I have very strong insight. I’m also very strong when life beats me down, I get up, brush myself off and come back with even more fight.

Life is way to short to spend your time on things that just don’t serve you. Someone once said to me that it’s not practical to get all dreamy about wanting a better life. Sometimes, you just have to do stuff because you have to do stuff. Ugh. That’s probably one of the most depressing things I’ve ever heard. It’s like being told that having wants and desires is a crime.

It took me a long time to figure out what fires me up. I found it hard to drown out all the noise and clutter and give myself time to think. It was hard because I wanted to be authentic about it. It takes time.

There’s still lots of things that I need to figure out, but the one thing I know for sure is that there has to be passion present. Understanding what my strengths and passions are has created a settling within and I am able to go through my day with assurance.

I want more out of my life than just mediocrity. Anything less is just not good enough.

Why did it take me so long to write another post? Why do drivers not stop at a 4-way? Why do traffic circles confuse so many people? Why do people park to close to my car? Why does the price of gas go up so fast and takes so long to come down? Why do women constantly apologize for being female? Why are men afraid to cry?

Why do my hands and feet get so cold? Why can’t I master mathematics? Why can’t I call someone on something without seeming like I’m the one with issues? Why can’t I have a more dainty laugh? Why can’t I have pizza 6 out of 7 days a week? Why can’t I eat all the chocolate I want? Why can’t karma come sooner to those that deserve it?

Why can’t you accept your own happiness? Why can’t you just let it go? Why can’t you enjoy what’s right in front of you? Why can’t you work up the nerve? Why can’t you enjoy being in the moment? Why can’t you just say hello? Why do we feel the need to tell everybody on the planet RIGHT NOW what we’re doing and where we are? Why is there flavoured water?

Why are there snakes? Gross. Why do we worship the almighty dollar? Why do we need homes that are as big as an airport? Why does the selfie stick exist? Why do we need the latest smart phone? Why do people need to get a hold of us 24/7? Why are we so distracted? Why do I always stub my toe?

Why can’t it be summer all year around? Why do we feel like we’re missing out on a good time elsewhere? Why can’t I wake up with my hair already done? Why does it have to be this way? Why do we accept to often “It is what it is” What if it’s not? Why can’t I get into yoga?

Why do we live in a disposable culture? Why is there so much garbage in the oceans? Why can’t I meet Bono? Why can’t I sing with Madonna? Why can’t I have the superpower of flight? Why can’t I get a reality show? Why can’t I buy as many shoes as I want? Why don’t I own lululemon anything? Why do I always catch my knuckles on the corner of everything?

Why do I have noisy neighbors? Why do things that are good for us feel like we’re sacrificing something? Why can’t McDonald french fries be fat free? Why can’t things be done as fast as I want them? Why can’t people be punctual? Why can’t people do what I want? Why Honeyboo Boo? No really why?

Why do people feel bad for getting older? Why is age considered something bad? Why is there airbrushing? Why is there cruelty? Why are wrinkles and laugh lines wrong? Why is there such a push to look young? Why do women feel they need boob jobs? Why is 50 Shades of Gray a big deal? Why do some people consider Harry Potter to be scary and evil? Why don’t more people consider narcissism and greed to be scary and evil?

Why is there ego? Why is there hate? Why is there anger? Why do some people care too much while others don’t care enough? Why is there still racism? Why is feminism considered a bad thing? Why is it an insult to be considered a feminist? Why do people bully? Why can’t I find something to read in Chapters? Why can’t Starbucks make a good cup of coffee? Why is there always a line up at Tim Hortons?

Why can’t I turn a blind eye? Why do I hold others accountable? Why can’t I do 100 push-ups? Why can’t I win the lottery? Why can’t the lottery corporation just hand me a cheque for a billion dollars and save us both the trouble? Why do I have to save for a rainy day? What if it doesn’t rain? Why can’t Oprah give an interview without interrupting like a billion times? Why do people get excited about balloons?

Why can’t I stop thinking about what they said? Why do I even care? Why does herbal caffeine free tea exist and why do people insist on serving it to me? Again, gross. Why do people say one thing and do another? Why do people ask a question and never wait for the answer? Why are we in such a rush?

Why did I walk away from an industry after 20 years being immersed and feel totally fine with it? Why do people get away with bad behavior? Why is it; if common sense is so common, it’s so rare? Why can’t I get over my fear of Jaws while I’m swimming in the lake? Why is it easier to believe negative over positive?

Why does my cat lie on my laptop while I’m trying to use it? Why are we so quick to anger but slow to forgive? Why can’t my furniture dust itself and the bathrooms clean themselves? Why do I ask so many questions? Why do I have so many questions? Why can’t I get answers?

“…our greatest gifts often come from our wounds”-
Companioning vs. Treating: Beyond The Medical Model of Bereavement Caregiving
By Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D

How the direction of this blog has changed since it’s conception.

The above quote came out of an article that was given to me about the act or the art, as the author puts it, of walking alongside one who is going through the pain of grief. When you are present with another’s pain, you are in the moment and acknowledging what it is with no judgement, no shame, and letting something be. I’m referring to the practice of bereavement.

So what’s a former pastry chef doing talking so deeply about such a heavy topic as grief and bereavement, you may wonder. Well, things have changed. I’d like to think for the better. A few months ago, I decided that I wanted to do some volunteering. There’s lots of places that need volunteers. Lot’s of rewarding things to focus on. I chose Hospice.

I’m now a full-fledged direct-service volunteer. It’s not easy to become a direct-service volunteer. In order to be one, I had to go through an interview, a criminal background check, reference checks and I had to complete 40 hours of in-house training.

The training was intense, at times very hard, and did a good job of pushing me out of my comfort zone. It was also incredibly interesting, very rewarding and has opened up a new path to follow. You just never know where it will lead.

For those that don’t know what Hospice is, there are two parts to it.

The first is a mindset, a way to manage end of life, the second part is a physical place to spend the remainder of your life until you die. People who choose Hospice have been diagnosed with a terminal disease and wish to not “burden” their loved ones by having to physically care for them. It is not assisted suicide nor is Hospice a dumping ground for the poor or the unloved with nowhere else to go.

It’s a place that respectfully recognizes all walks of life from all backgrounds regardless of life experiences, religions or philosophies. There are even Hospices set up in prisons.

I’ve been asked why hospice? I’m still not 100% sure of the answer, and what I do know is kind of complicated. At first I wasn’t even sure if I could do it. Like most people, my judgement with it was “Death, how depressing” Despite that, I felt drawn to it.

Hospice is more then just coming face to face with yours and your loved ones mortality. Not everyone can do this. You are dealing with situations that are considered taboo by most. There’s a lot of people out there who think death is a secret, never to be discussed.

Because of my training, I’ve certainly learned more about why I’m doing it.

The first thing you learn as you walk into Hospice (both in mindset and physical space), your ego gets checked at the door.

You have no idea how refreshing that is.

It’s never about you. As a result, you are in an environment that’s caring and supportive, and ironically enough, very peaceful. It’s not a depressing place nor are there weird smells. You are encouraged and rewarded for practicing compassion and empathy. These are not considered a weakness but a strength.

The second thing I learned; there are many types of grief and it’s not always associated with the loss of a loved one, although death is where most people recognize that they are grieving.

Grief can be felt because of a divorce, a loss of a friendship, a job loss, anytime there’s been a huge life altering event that has created shock, anger and sadness. When someone is faced with a devastating situation, most times the grieving begins at that moment for that individual. A loss is a loss regardless of what caused it.

There is a misconception that grief is a series of staggered stages and one goes through these stages in a timely manner. Not so. Grief is a personal thing, different for everyone.

Nor does grief happen in organized steps, but more like a crazy two year old’s doodle. You will be all over the place. It’s also possible to be in two stages at the same time. For example:
“I acknowledge that this person is gone, but I will still wash their clothes” Acceptance and denial.

The third thing I learned is how to be in the moment. Being mindful with the person you are sharing that space with.

You are not there to solve, or give advice. You are not there to cure the disease or have the answers. You are not there to tell someone what they should or should not be doing. You are there to help witness a point in someones life who is coming face to face with the reality of their situation, whether that they are dying sooner rather then later or otherwise.

Someone can also be reeling from the fact that a new normal is beginning and what normal they had is now gone. You are sharing a very personal moment with them, which I personally feel privileged and humbled by.

The fourth thing I have learned is a new way to gain perspective. Believe me, your problems become no big deal once you spend time with someone who’s dying.

With a new perspective, it’s easier to understand why people act the way they do. For example, if someone takes their anger out on you, and you know that you did not deliberately cause it, they are acting out negative feelings or expectations that they have about themselves. If they accuse you unfairly, it’s because they have disappointed themselves. Again, it’s not about you.

Since my involvement with Hospice, I have become more aware. I tend to listen more then talk. I tend to dissect a conversation before answering. When people are upset about something, it comes out more about how they are feeling instead of the actual situation, which is really the point anyway.

I have also discovered a huge inner calm in me that I didn’t even know I had. Maybe it’s because I’m really happy being in this space. Maybe it’s because I like this new path I’m on and the more I learn, the more fascinated I become.

My direct responsibility will be working with bereavement clients. Anyone who has experienced a loss can access the services of a Hospice regardless of the situation. I will also do bedside vigils. I have lost people in my life. I have grieved. It’s easy for me to put myself in another person’s shoes, because I’ve been there.

I have titled this post A Step of a Thousand Miles because being involved with Hospice has kick-started a new life for me. It was there when I needed it most. It’s answered some questions I didn’t even know I had. I was searching for something. I have moved into a direction that I need to follow. Happily.

Being open to new possibilities and exploring how they will lead to growth is worth investigating. I am also learning what it takes to be human. That we all are part of a immense play being acted out. Life is short. All those things that we put off for whatever reason, there is no better time to begin them then right now. After all, we live until we die.

Hard to believe that another year is almost over. I myself don’t believe in New Years resolutions. Nor does it stand out for me from one year to the next whether it was a good year or a bad year. However, I do believe that everyone can and does have an off year. A year that didn’t amount to much and for the most part was uninviting, uninspiring and overall held a general sense of mundane. 2014 was that year for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not unhappy and some really nice things happened for me in 2014. I’m a strong believer in you make something what you want and it boils down to your attitude and outlook. Sometimes though, that isn’t enough.

I don’t believe in playing the victim card and I take full responsibility for my actions. I believe in learning from something and moving forward. I also don’t like to wish my time away, because once the clock moves a minute on that dial, that last minute is gone forever. There will never be that exact moment ever again.

The last year has presented some major challenges. A lot of them, for the first time, and I hope the last time. I’ve experienced shock, devastation, awe, gratitude, grief, boredom, anxiety, anger, confusion, happiness, relief, calmness, but most importantly, a deeper awareness of who I am, who I’ve changed to become and how to move forward with my new perspective. Funny, you don’t think change happens much until you look back over time.

I read recently that it’s important to forgive those that have hurt you or angered you in the past. Carrying around left over bitterness and resentment only seeks to destroy you. You are giving someone permission to have power over you, power over your thoughts and power over your actions. Of course, you have to be ready to forgive. Staying angry can feel like a cozy blanket. It’s a safe emotion because it’s so black and white. Your less vulnerable when your mad.

There is a misconception that by forgiving people you are giving into a weakness, that you are being a pushover. In reality, it’s quite the opposite. A person that chooses to move on despite the crap is an indication of just how strong that individual is. You may wonder what if the person who offended you doesn’t even know they did? Let me ask you, have you ever hurt someone and felt like crap afterwards? Trust me, you’ll know. By not owning up to a mistake and apologizing for it, one is weak and I can’t help but to question their integrity.

So what does it look like when you decide to let go and forgive? Well I can tell you from my perspective. By forgiving those that hurt me, it doesn’t change my opinion of them. I was never impressed with what they brought to the table in the first place. It means that I’m done with them in every which way possible. There is no longer room for them in my life and that they just have to go. Certainly not because they deserve it, but because I do.

You have to get comfortable with the realization that you will never receive an apology from the person that offended you. It will never happen so move on.

You will also have to get used to the idea that you will be going through a transition phase. It’s going to be up to you how long this phase will be.

Transitions are not always easy and they don’t flow in a straight line. You will feel unsettled, aimless, and pushed way out of your comfort zone. At times, you will feel so overwhelmed that it’s almost paralyzing. I think the hardest part about being in a transition is the inability to hold an interest in things for any great deal of time. You may lack focus and find it hard to concentrate.

Other times, you will find a new sense of liberation and freedom. Explore the new line of thought and see where it takes you. Finally give yourself permission to do things that you held back from. Day dream, go to the movies in the middle of the afternoon, take a delicious catnap, zone out for hours with a book, binge watch Netflix, take that class. Whatever it will take to feed your soul. Just ride the wave and lose control for a bit and see what opens up as a result.

There is also a great sense of relief when you realize that all you need is time. Putting time between you and whatever caused you unhappiness allows you to gain perspective. Time does it’s thing and life really does go on. There’s a lot of comfort in that.

Once you gain perspective, gratitude comes next. It teaches you to be thankful for the small, simple things in your life. For me, the fact that I have a great husband and a great family. The ability to ride my bike almost everyday despite the weather. The fact that I have some great friends in my life. The fact that I have my health, a brain, wisdom and common sense and with that I can go anywhere. The fact that I have the ability to read and the know how to process the world around me. Small, simple things, but it’s these things that count, that make a life worth living.

You will also get to a point where you lose interest in looking back. You roll your eyes and go “Oh who cares!!”

I have no idea, no inkling, no crystal ball that will guarantee that 2015 will be a fantastic year. I’m definitely a lot more cautious, and I have become more introverted. I don’t think that’s a bad thing though. It’s just life experience, wisdom and my intuition guiding my thoughts and actions.

What I do have is hope, the breathe of fresh air that change brings. A new page in my notebook. I’m making plans that will lead me down some very different paths. They say you should cater to your strengths. Well for the first time in my life, I actually know 100%, rock solid what those strengths are and what to do with them.

And for the first time that I can remember, I’m excited about a new year. Like really excited.

I was asked recently what I wouldn’t like to do or be asked to do. I found the questions hard to answer. It’s been a few days and I still haven’t come up with the right response. So I thought I’d take it to my blog and write a post about it.

It’s not a matter of not understanding the questions, as I do. I get the sense that the questions have more to do with being in a physical situation. The issue that I’m struggling with has more to do with a mental or emotional situation. Maybe I’m thinking too deeply about them, taking them further then I have to. That’s certainly a possibility, knowing how I process things.

I’m starting to become more comfortable in my own skin. Gaining a self-confidence that I think comes with the combination of age and experience. But the biggest revelation is knowing what my deal breakers are and being one hundred percent okay with that awareness. That it’s going to be just fine to walk away from a situation or an individual that spins my deal breakers into overdrive. Leave and not look back.

I think people confuse impatience with intolerance. True, they seem to be almost the same. But neither have to be bad things. For instance, nothing ever moves or gets done as quickly as I’d like it to. I’ve dubbed it “the speed of Anna” The waiting is always the hardest part. That’s impatience. My family often laughs at me for it.

Intolerance however is deeper. A line that in my mind something or someone has crossed in a morel or ethic way that I personally consider a deal breaker. Selfishness or pettiness for example. Consider both part of a system that makes up a moral code. Everyone has standards that give off warnings mentally when something is afoot, when your spidey senses are tingling. Some call it a sixth sense, some call it your instinct, or your gut feeling.

Have you ever encountered a person or a situation that just seemed “off” right from the start? Something that you couldn’t put your finger on but knew it just didn’t feel right? We tell ourselves to shake it off, to not be silly, to get past it. However, we are still left with doubts. And we wonder. Maybe we go back to that moment in time and re-examine everything with hindsight. Maybe going back brings up unpleasant thoughts or disturbing memories. Maybe it brings up regret, and self-doubt. Or maybe it brings up a reminder of who we are and strengthens our values and beliefs.

I’ve always been good at reading a person pretty quickly. I can tell within a few minutes if I’m going to gel with someone or not. I have been wrong at times, but most times, I’ve been right. Not everyone you meet, are you meant to be life long friends. Everyone is there however to teach you something.

I have been lucky to meet some truly amazing people. I’ve also been unlucky to meet some pretty miserable people. A deal breaker for me is coming across someone with absolutely no compassion or empathy. These people completely creep me out. I don’t think they are even human. One of the most amazing things I have seen in a person? Kindness. It doesn’t cost anything, and it doesn’t take much.

I don’t like to be in any situation that forces me to be anything less then who I am. Whether this is considered a fault or a find, I have an extremely low tolerance for bull#44%. This covers everything from deceit, drama, phoniness, and putting someone on a pedestal that doesn’t deserve it. I can’t stand being around it, and what I detest more then anything is someone thinking I’m dumb enough to fall for it.

I may not call them on it, but believe me, while their spewing it, I’m thinking how unpleasant they are and how I can’t wait to get away from them. All I can picture is the ugliness pouring out of every pore. So bull#44% and the narcissism that goes with it another deal breaker. However, I have seen great humility in a person and I have great respect for it. I have often found that the most talented people I have met are also the most humble.

I don’t like to do things that are not true to my character. That doesn’t mean that I won’t push myself out of my comfort zone from time to time, as long as it means I will grow from it. It just means that I won’t play a part or be something that I’m not. I won’t mold to someone else’s ideals because it’s more convenient for them.

I have also discovered that I can make certain people uncomfortable. These are people who usually have something to hide. People who are less then honorable in their intentions. I guess I’m too direct and honest. So be it. I know I can face myself in the mirror everyday, something they often can’t. I think people are afraid to look underneath. Scared to discover what they will find.

So what does all this mean anyway? Who cares what my personal deal breakers are and what I respect. It doesn’t matter much, except it matters to me. I guess I have finally answered the questions which started this conversation. I know I have my faults. That I’m far from perfect. No one is. Knowing that and moving on despite knowing ones faults lies the true strength in a persons character.

I know that I’m not a bad person. I also know that I’d rather surround myself with people who are genuine and find happiness in the simple things. People who take the time to be decent human beings. People who are there for the good times as well as the sad times. People who will help celebrate you for who you are. There’s honour in that. Anything less, well they’ll just have to go.

Something I haven’t done it a long time is listen to new music from the first song to the last, in it’s entirety without skipping a song or putting the music down halfway through. I got on my bike and completed a 23 km spin, all the while listening to the latest offering of one of my favorite bands. I got out of the habit of doing this because I’m not a patient person. I get bored easily and I was always so busy with moving onto the next thing. “I’ve got no time for this!! What’s next?! Where too?!”

The music in question was the latest offering by U2. I’m a fan of theirs but if I’m to be 100% honest here, my interest in their music has waned over the last decade or so. I haven’t much liked some of their more recent stuff, liking their older stuff way better. At least I will always have the classic U2, and because I’m being totally honest, if I were to keep seeing them in concert (4 times now, yes I know, not as much as others) I’d most likely go to just hear the classics.

My schedule has been pretty crazy over the last 2 years and somehow I stopped listening to music. I always have it on in the car, but at home, not so much. It never used to be like this. Then all of a sudden I rediscovered music all over again. I cleaned up my iPod, downloaded a bunch of more music and reflected on memories that the music brought back to me. When I hear an old song it never fails to take me back where that song was significant at that point in my life. It’s an understatement to say that songs can carry a lot of emotion. Some songs have the ability to hit home just a little to close. Very surreal.

A few things I have learned about my music tastes. I will never understand Rush, Tori Amos, Bjork, Kim Mitchell, Nicki Minaj or County Music. They have all done great things and deserve to be where they are, but I just can’t get into them. Yes, I tried.

I also will never understand boy bands. I was in junior high when New Kids on the Block came out and I think I was the only girl who didn’t drool over them. I was too busy rocking out to Inxs and Bon Jovi. Same goes for Back Street Boys and that other one with Justin Timberlake (I can never remember their name) I will also never get the likes of Brittany Spears, Jessica Simpson and any other bubble gum sugar pop tartlet. Are they selling a song or they selling sex? I’m not saying they aren’t talented, but what their talent is comes into question.

Bon Jovi, whatever happened to them? Last I heard they had stormed up the country music charts. What the hell? Did they not used to be rock? I’m so disappointed. I guess Jon Bon Jovi is too busy buying football teams. Then there’s the bands that didn’t fair well from the leap into the millennium from the ’90s. Def Leppard and Van Halen come to mind.

I remember the first musician that caught my attention. Good ole Micheal Jackson. This was around the time that Thriller came out and I remember my brother got me a poster of MJ that was as big as my bedroom door!! The question remains about Micheal, did he or didn’t he enjoy little boys too much. Either way, it was such a sad thing to see how he seemed to slip into crazy a little more each year before he died. He was incredible talented. Pure waste. At least his music will live on.

Michael Hutchence, Kurt Cobain, Amy Winehouse, all great artists and all gone way too soon. I wonder what they would think of the music scene now? Especially Kurt Cobain and Micheal Hutchence with the invention of iPods and music downloads.

I think that some bands will surface but won’t truly be appreciated until one is older. Nirvana, Green Day and Red Hot Chili Peppers come to mind for me. I really like the Blues, especially the likes of Buddy Guy, Stevie Ray Vaughn (true tragedy he died when his plane crashed) and of course BB King. I’ve also gotten into the likes of Miles Davis, Diana Krall and Frank Sinatra. As for rock, The Black Keys and The Sheepdogs are on heavy rotation at my house. I also like a lot of classic rock; The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, The Doors, The Guess Who, Pink Floyd, and Queen among others.

Another important music era for me was the last part of the 90’s. Alanis Morissette, Our Lady Peace, Radio Head, Garbage, Lenny Kravitz, Oasis, I Mother Earth, Smashing Pumpkins, Econoline Crush, The Tragically Hip, Sarah Mclachlan, The Verve. I’m sure there are many more, but those ones stand out the most for me.

We can’t forget about the the 80’s music scene. I was never into the hair metal bands like so many others. I was a kid during that decade but I remember liking Tears For Fears, The Eurythmics, Cory Hart, Tina Turner, Simple Minds, Tiffany, Debbie Gibson, Cyndi Lauper and of course Madonna.

Speaking of Cyndi Lauper and Madonna, from what I can remember, they both came out around the same time and there were debates which artist would have longevity and remain on top. All bets were on Cyndi. Not so in the end. She sorta faded away. Although active, it was nowhere close to what Madonna achieved (another one of my favorite musicians) FYI, I dressed up as both for Halloween. When I was Cyndi, I received more candy. Hmm.

Then there’s the musicians that have so much talent but have wasted it on foolishness. I’m sure to them, it hasn’t been a waste. I wonder though if they ever regret their actions. I’m talking about Sinead O’Conner, Lauryn Hill and Fiona Apple. How the fall from grace must be painful. And can someone please tell Elton John, Billy Joel and Phil Collins to please stay away from Disney??!! Yuck. No, not a big fan of Disney. I left that back with my childhood thank-you very much. Then you have the artists that have gone just plain stupid, yes I’m talking about you Justin Bieber.

As I write this post, I’m true to my word and have music playing on shuffle. I was never lucky enough to have the desire to learn how to play a musical instrument. Even now, if I had the desire, I have no idea what I’d pick. Maybe the drums because then I could do a lot of smashing. Until next time. I’m off to find that next song.

I debated whether to keep writing because I wasn’t sure if I had anything more to say. But who am I kidding? Of course I have something to say!

A lot has happened since I wrote way back in March. I’m happy to say that I didn’t cave and go back to Facebook (see my last post “Facebookless”) and I was kept busy finishing up a year of teaching pastry arts. I have also reached some big decisions. Decisions that will have long term effects on my career and push me into all sorts of different and interesting directions.

I have decided to leave the hospitality industry and no longer work as a pastry chef. A big step, seeing as I knew at a young age that I always wanted to be one. I invested a lot of time and energy pursuing that goal. I’d say that I succeeded and then some. From my training as a pastry chef, advancing to a chef owner of my own business, then advancing further to a pastry arts instructor. Now I’m done. Next!!

I wish I could say that the decision to leave the industry was a hard one. But it wasn’t. It’s actually been extremely liberating. Some may question my motives, thinking that over time, I’ll be back. They obviously don’t know me that well. I would probably be a lot more worried if I didn’t have a plan. But a plan is what I do have. It’s not like I just woke up one day and threw away years of training and experience just on a whim. It was a combined effort from many circumstances.

My most recent job, teaching a pastry arts program was term. Term came up for renewal, I didn’t get the job. This led me to do some serious questioning. Not just about my performance as a pastry chef, but the actions of others, where the hospitality industry and in particular the craft of pastry arts is headed and whether I want to continue being a part of it. Some questions that have come up; who am I now? What do I tell people what I do for a living? Funny how your career can become your identity.

The hospitality industry has changed so much over the years. I think change is a great thing, but somewhere along the way, I stopped changing with it or cared enough about to change. I think it came down to being worn down by the system and in turn losing interest in the work.

I used to really like being a pastry chef, had a real passion for it. But over time, I lost interest. It’s considered taboo for a chef to not eat, sleep and breathe their craft. That always went against my practical nature. I actually found it quite tedious.

I was an average pastry chef. Some may disagree and think less, but believe me, they’re far from perfect. Whatever. Near the end, it really started to feel like no matter what I did, it was never good enough. Just what I felt. It doesn’t matter anymore. I wasn’t competitive enough because again, it didn’t interest me enough.

It became clear that everyone was looking for superstars or at least what they perceive as superstars. If you hadn’t been on TV in a cooking show, trained internationally, worked in glamorous places or worked under the likes of Gordon Ramsay or at the very least, competed in cooking competitions, they didn’t want you. At least not for the positions that had a bit of cache. The one thing that was failed to be realized is that not everyone who entered this line of work had the desire to beat all others. I’ve said it before, and I will say it again, to become a superstar, one has to pay a very heavy price. The price in this case, wasn’t worth the sacrifice at least not for me.

The other thing people tend to forget is everyone is replaceable. It doesn’t matter what position you hold, how talented you are or what you bring to the table. There will always be someone in the wings younger, smarter, faster, more talented, more pretty then you ready to step in.

There is such a push to get into the trades. Cooking is a trade, pastry and baking is also a trade. Nothing wrong with getting into a trade, but be prepared to work your body hard. If you are in a trade that’s physically demanding, your back aches, your feet are always sore, legs are stiff, tendons in your arms are always stressed, hands get beaten up constantly. It starts to take it’s toll.

My suggestion; while you are working your way up in your trade, start planning your next move, your plan B. Something that you can move into and use your experience, and skill but without the physical demand. The only regret I have is I wish someone had said this to me when I was 18.

So you may wonder, what’s next? What’s my plan? I really liked the teaching that I did. Part of teaching was figuring out how people’s minds work. Figuring out how to break down a lesson or concept in several ways to teach it to many people with all different learning styles. I’ve always been one to study people’s behavior, and I have a knack for quickly assessing a situation and moving forward with a decision based on observation and instinct.

I’ve decided to go to school and pursue training in counseling. With that, I will spring board that into coaching, leadership, facilitating personal growth workshops and helping people cope with depression, anxiety and grief. Yes, a completely different field from being a pastry chef, but the right way to go. As for all my pastry tools, equipment and books; they’re packed up and in storage until I decide what to do with them.

I believe it’s never to late to change directions. I have nothing to be ashamed of or to feel embarrassed about. I have the right to say “This is not how the story ends” One may think they’re heading in one direction only to be yanked into another. So be it.

I reached a decision today and I just finished following through with it. I decided to end my relationship with Facebook. With a couple of quick taps on the keyboard, Facebook was kicked to the curb and out of my life.

It feels really good, and although I’m sure I will have a few lingering thoughts of “Maybe I shouldn’t have been too hasty. Maybe I should have given it a second chance” deep down I know it’s the right thing to do for me and I’m happy with my decision and happy to join the small army of those who have either never done the Facebook thing or like me, have broken up with it.

So why did I do it, you might ask. Well for several reasons. Hard to believe that there was a time when Facebook didn’t exist. I think it’s a great marketing tool for business. I like the idea of social media and I’m not giving up on it completely because I will still have my blog and Twitter account.

Somewhere along the way, my impression of Facebook became cheap and dirty. It became full of trivial nonsense and useless updates. I would get so annoyed with it. It sorta started out with good intentions but then someone(s) had to go and ruin it by turning it into a cheap one night stand. Good riddance.

Believe me, I certainly never thought when I updated my status that people hung onto every word or even cared what I thought or said. I got tired of the game requests, even though I asked people to stop sending them to me. I didn’t need to see yet another photo of an abused animal. Again, I know it exists and it kills me inside to see it. But I can’t do anything about it other then what I am already doing.

I also got annoyed at the lack of filter on some people. In other words, nobody wants to hear how sick you are, how your spending all day on the toilet and that you may or may not have a boil on your neck. Stop telling people that! Have a little self respect and learn to keep some things as a mystery!

I felt that Facebook (and other social media) is a bit of a soap box for some. I guess that was the point. Everyone has a right to their opinion and beliefs. You can agree or agree to disagree. Whatever. I can’t fault people for having a passion for something. I’m passionate about things too. But give it a damn rest already!

I became worn down and bummed out by the empty trivial often times cheesiness of the status updates. It always amazed me how one comment would get lots of reactions and others got no reaction at all. I think what disturbed me the most is the things that should have been commented on more often, people hardly reacted. What’s that saying?

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe that every time you think or hear something it has to be profound and life altering. All I’m asking is what’s wrong with employing a little insight? Maybe a little compassion and integrity? Maybe sharing with others what you have learned and the experiences you have gained? What’s the harm in trying to uplift people while you are updating? What’s wrong with being curious and asking questions?

Unless you have been living under a rock for the last five years or so, social media has turned some people’s lives upside down and in some cases destroyed them. Today’s schools are a verbal/anonymous battle ground where the battle cries are being heard all through social media in the form of cyber-bulling. Yeah it takes a real brave individual to put someone down hiding behind a computer screen. A modern day hero.

It’s a sad world we live in when kids are taking their lives based on vile comments someone has made about them online. It’s becoming more common. Whatever happened to good old fashion teenage angst where you worked your rage out by listening to music, maybe gained a little perspective in some harmless day dreaming? Why do we fill our days with trying to go to extremes and to shock people?

I’m also aware that employers and/or potential employers are checking to see if one has a Facebook account. A situation that’s exploding especially in the United States where people are getting fired and sued over what’s in their social media. The problem lies with people thinking they can say anything they want and not be held accountable. People are angry, filled with hate. Why? Where did this come from?

The final reason though to toss out Facebook is how I am seeing a society break down. Ask yourself how connected are you.

I recently read an article that claimed that when people go see a doctor because they’re sick, it actually turns out that most people are just lonely. Lonely? How can that be when we are surrounded by people all the time? But think about it; how often do you say hello to someone you pass on the street? Talk to the next person in line at the grocery store? Ask someone how they are doing and take the time to actually listen to what they say in return?

The fact is, as humans, we need daily social interaction. Without it, we experience all sorts of ailments, everything from being tired, headaches, tension, lethargy, anger, depression, and anxiety. I took a course on Mental Health and one thing I learned is 1 in 3 Canadians at some point in their lives will be affected by a mental illness. Maybe it’s just loneliness.

Do I think not being connected to Facebook will make me fall behind in what’s going on? Perhaps in some ways, but not in the important stuff. If I want to talk to people, I will call, email or text. Those that care, are already part of my life and not having a Facebook account won’t change that. If I want to read up on current events, I will read a newspaper or go online. If I want to experience things first hand, I will go outside and seek them out.

Do I think I’m more superior because I decided to end Facebook? Not in the least. I never thought I was better than anyone else. More often then not, Facebook proved to me over and over it was heading in a direction that I didn’t want to go. I’m just doing what makes most sense for me. I had to ask myself if I wanted to be part of the cure or part of the disease.

I may or may not go through withdrawal symptoms, but I’ll get over it. Regardless it’s done. I really don’t care if one has a Facebook account or not. If you are curious in what I’ll be doing next, your more then welcome to follow me on Twitter or read up on my latest shenanigans here on my blog. Now I’m off to enjoy this thing called life.