“….You can’t start a fire, worryin’ about your little world falling apart….”

“Dancing in the Dark”, Bruce Springsteen.

Bruce Springsteen’s song really resonates with me, especially during the past summer as I really did feel like things were out of my control and at times, my little world was falling apart. I’ve read that the best time to write about what troubled you in the past is to write about it when your feeling good. I’m feeling good.

Transition. What is it? What does it mean? What creates it? How do you know you’re going through one? How do you know when it ends? Are others going through one too? It begins the second that you have experienced a shock or a major loss. It’s anything that results in a change, a major shift in your life that forces you to come face to face with some cold truths. It can make you feel angry, scared, thoughtful, regretful, relieved, hopeful, depressed, uncertain, confused. Pick one because it’s all there.

Transition, yes I was going through. I didn’t know I was until I took some career counseling. I took the course because I felt like I hit rock bottom career wise. Everyone you meet is beginning one, going through one or ending one. Some of it not as bad as what your faced with, some of it much worse. I see transitions taking place all the time.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to be a pastry chef. I never doubted it, nor did I ever look back and regret my decision. I worked hard and I learned and I grew. I met a lot of people along the way that taught me and lucky for me became my friend. I said I wanted to have my own business and through sheer grit and determination, I accomplished as such. Then a whole new world opened up in the form of teaching and I grabbed onto it with the realization that the more I learned about teaching, the more I was enthralled with it.

During the career counseling, I seriously questioned whether I wanted to keep pursuing being a pastry chef and by extension, being a teacher. I was very close to packing away my chef clogs and doing a career 180 to become a career counselor. I’ve had a few knock downs and every time I got myself back up, there was another situation ready to knock me over. Again. You have to ask yourself how much more are you willing to take. I knew I wanted to teach, and in some way help people. I’ve always been attracted to the underdog.

What I learned from the counseling is that when your job stops very suddenly, it’s a world of shock. You feel overwhelmed; you have bills to pay and commitments to keep and you wonder how you’re going to do that when you’ve been told that your income will no longer exist.

Once the shock wears off, your left feeling depressed because the world you were used to, so comfortable in, is no longer. You start to question “What’s wrong with me?, “Am I really that bad?”.

Next thing you know, you start calling yourself all sorts of bad names, all self-confidence destroyed and you lose all sense of direction and purpose. What I needed was my drive and purpose back.

I’ve also come to the understanding that a person’s indifference towards you can be more brutal then a bully picking on you. If someone wants to walk out of my life, I will gladly hold the door for them. If they can’t handle what I bring to the table, then I seriously question why they’re around. I don’t need anyone kicking me around, because I do a pretty good job of that to myself sometimes.

I’ve been judged harshly because I didn’t fit someones mold, looked down on because I didn’t buy into someone’s idea. I have learned that when someone doesn’t like you it’s the result of one of the following a) they don’t like themselves and as such they see something in you they wish the had or b) they feel threatened by you.

When I was at the closest point of calling it quits with being a pastry chef, my world shifted again and I was offered the dream job. All of a sudden I had perspective. A lightness in my step and the conclusion that if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, things will get better. If you put yourself out there, people will notice and will respond.

As a result, I have a great life. I have a dream job, a great marriage, my health and wonderful friends. I go to work everyday and I’m lucky enough to consider my work as not work. I have been given some wonderful opportunities both in the past and the present and I wouldn’t go back and change anything, even the painful lessons. I am indeed very thankful for the experiences.

I have also learned that, when I get knocked down, I get back up. Each time I get back up, I’m just a little bit more stronger, I fight back a little bit more and I rebel just a little bit more. I’m determined not to be shaped by one’s unreal expectations. The more I’m told that I can’t, gives me that much more determination that I will.